Greeting Cards That Kick@$$

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November 17, 2017

Okay okay we had Spiderman come out a bit ago at movie theaters in “Spiderman Homecoming and a Ghost Story,” about a guy who jumps around wearing blue and red underwear and…ooh ohh! He wears a mask so you can’t see who he is.

If he can kick everybody’s ass, why does he need a mask?

I’ve never liked Spiderman because I’ve never liked spiders although they eat harmful insects and I usually trap them in a coffee cup and throw them outside the house where they can do more good. This whole comic book culture of ours puzzles me, but I guess it’s proof of what Christopher Columbus said when he showed up on an island near Florida.

“You give the natives beads and it makes ‘em happy.”

Remember when Superman was the only super hero, a guy in a cape who flew around in red and blue underwear? Why do superheroes need underwear?

I would like to become the first nude superhero. I would call myself, Elderly Shortcomings Man.

Most superheroes can’t fly like Superman they can only climb buildings and jump around. Ever since Superman we’ve had no end to the public’s thirst for these ridiculous characters.

There is of course Batman and Robin. Okay, you’re dressed sort of like a bat, but you can’t fly around, and you don’t suck blood and hang upside down in a cave, but you do have a cool looking car.

Then we have Green Lantern, okay, a guy in a green suit with a little green mask that hides his eyes but is way too small to hide his face you can still see who he is….okay makes sense. A guy named after a device you light with a wick manufactured by Coleman Co. that you take with you when you go camping (lantern).

The list is almost endless, The Hulk (also a green guy) who takes steroids, Iron Man whoever he is , Zorro, a Hispanic guy with a black mask who with a sword carves a Z into people’s chests, Ant Man (when he isn’t fighting villains he’s after the cake you left out), and hundreds more.

How about Aqua Boy, a kid who’s real slippery because of his dolphin skin and who slides after the bad guys? That will be out next year.

Hey, if people are foolish enough spend their hard-earned money on this sh’t..okay!

How about a new super hero named “Limp Wrist?” You know; a real wimpy weak guy who can’t beat anyone up or jump around so he’s forced to use his brain to solve crimes.

Then we have Wonder Woman, the ultimate dominatrix with her rope, every male masochist wishes he could meet her so she could get rough with him. She is definitely not the kind of girl you would take home to meet mother.

I’ve got an idea for a new super hero. How about Gopher Man? He chases bad guys in brown underwear after tunneling holes in your front yard.

Or how about Zit Boy? A pimply teenager, he wears a yellowish underwear the color of pus and goes around squirting the bad guys with it.

Of course, every superhero needs an arch villain just as stupid to fight because if a super hero beats up on an average guy named Fred….it’s not very interesting.

Thus we have The Joker, Lex Luther, and hundreds of others.

How about a new super hero called “Asshole?” This could be a super-conceited narcissist who makes the bad guys sick with his insufferable arrogance and who wears a suit and tie and is disguised as a politician or an insurance salesman? Huh?

Hey I’m just throwing ‘em out there.

Where am I going with this?

Unlike the above, you probably know a real super hero.Perhaps a tutor at your school who helped you get past a hard math test, or your single mother, who worked so hard to put you through school. Perhaps it’s your garbage man, who picks up your trash every week and who you want to thank.

There are probably 100 inspirational people you know you could thank for the positive impact they have had on your life, a teacher, a mentor, a friend, a relative, a sports coach, a church priest…the potential list is large.

Thank them with a MemoryTag greeting card.

Cards are priced $2.99, a fraction of what you pay for a card at the grocery store rack, and say things like “You are My Favorite Person”   https://memorytag.cards/collections/friendship.

There are Thank You cards that express gratitude   https://memorytag.cards/collections/thank-you.

Or congratulations cards like “Respect, You’ve Earned It.”   https://memorytag.cards/collections/congratulations

MemoryTag cards have video capability so you can record your own video message using your smartphone and place it on the card.

Thank your own real super hero in your own special way. For information go to   https://memorytag.cards/.


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